Baby Steps
by NiamhMcGrady-fanpage
Summary: Zosia has done something she is now regretting, its to late to try back now. Being a junior doctor isn't her only problem anymore she has a bigger problem to deal with now. But how will it all turn out?
1. Chapter 1

3rd August:

Zosia lay with her arms both firmly places on the side of a cot. she has so much guilt and regret spinning around in her head, she didn't want this, not yet anyway. "What have I done" Zosia mutters to herself, she just wants to walk away and not look back but something was pulling her close something was aching inside of her something was telling her to stay.

She shifts a little on the bed and makes herself comfortable once again, every bone, muscle and ligament in her body is aching now from what seemed like ages in labour. After eighteen long hours of scream and crying in pain and giving it her all she had finally delivered her baby daughter into the world.

As much as Zosia didn't want this baby now she realised her work was more important to her she is stuck with the baby for the rest of her life, she had considered giving the baby away but Guy wouldn't appreciate her coming this far just to give her daughter away when she could of terminated it within the first month.

She is so scared just to even though her daughter she didn't want to break her or get to attached even though she wanted to. She looks down at her nameless daughter and gives a half hearted smile "This was the biggest mistake yet" Zosia thinks to herself all her emotion and guilt was playing on her mind she wanted to hold and cuddle her but something was telling her no not yet anyway.

Zosia finally picks up the courage to touch her daughter, there was a sort of warm buzz in Zosia as she stocked her daughter with her finger, her daughter has dark brown hair and blue almost grey eyes, "You perfection yet I don't know how to love you" Zosia says to her daughter who is now looking back at her, it's the first time she has opened her eyes and luckily for her daughter the first person she saw was her mother, a mother that doesn't really want her but in some ways does want her.

"So have you thought of a name yet?" Dom says as he bursts into the room, "Let's see the little munchkin then?" Dom adds as he places a balloon on Zosia's bedside table and walks over to the baby, "She's adorable" Dom says as he holds her daughters hand.

Zosia lies back on the bed and looks away from Dom with the baby, "You thought of a name yet?" Dom questions, "I don't know, you could name her for all I care" Zosia says in a flat tone, "Unless you want her to be names something ridiculous like Debbie or Oxygen" Dom tries to make Zosia laugh but it isn't working.

"Have you held her yet?" Dom questions, "No I haven't" Zosia says as she looks away from Dom and her daughter once again. "Come on Zosia just hold her, have you fed her?" Dom questions again, "No I haven't" Zosia replies again she can't even bare to look over at Dom now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Dom looks at Zosia and decides she needs a motherly figure around and says "I'll be back in a minute" Dom scurries off leaving Zosia with her daughter, Her mind is playing havoc with her, there is too much emotion swirling around in Zosia's mind.

Zosia decides to brave up and she gets up out of her bed and takes a step towards her daughter and slips her hand under her back and lifts her up. Her daughter begins to gurgle and smile at Zosia "Hello?" Zosia says a little unsure whether to put her back down or carry on holding her.

She sits back down on the bed with her daughter in her arms and gives another half hearted smile, She looks down at her daughter she is less than four hours old and Zosia is already feeling guilty about bringing a child into the world where she doesn't know who the father is or if she even really wants this baby.

Zosia leans back onto the bed and brings her knee's up close to herself and lies her daughter on her legs, she strokes her cheek slowly, then she feels her daughter's hand grab her own she jumps a little and gives a little unsure smile.

"Hello there, I guess I need to say this to you but I'm your Mummy" Zosia stutters as she cups her hands on her daughter's hand "I'm ever so scared, I feel alone, It's almost like I'm in a dark room with no light switch, I'm scared because I'm a first time mother also I wasn't expecting you so soon, I need you to know I'm nervous and I might not always be the best mother you could ask for" Zosia mutters to her daughter as she finally realises there is no going back now with her daughter.

Zosia looks at her daughter and thinks about who the father could be. Guy was hating her because she admitted to not knowing who the father is as at the time Zosia went through a phase of sleeping around Zosia had narrowed it down to the Father being: Arthur, Ollie or Adam who she met at Albie's the one night.

The more she looked at her daughter the more she could see herself in her but it was making her feel awful about thinking about giving up her daughter. "I really need to think of a name for you" Zosia mutters to her daughter as she watched her daughter smile at her unsure whether it was a bit of wind out her daughter was generally smiling at her.

Zosia thinks long and hard about what she should call her daughter but every time she thought about naming her daughter the guilt started to play havoc on her again, "I think you should have my last name because I can't have you last name being "March-Digby-Valentine-White now can I?" Zosia smirks before her smirk breaks out into a smile, the first time she has smiled since her daughter's birth over four hours ago.

After a few minutes of thinking she finally came up with a name that she thought really suited her daughter "I think I'll call you Madeleine March, Yeah that has a nice ring to it" Zosia says to herself "Hello Madeleine" Zosia mutters to her daughter, she cups her daughters head and she leans forward and hesitates before giving her a kiss on her forehead. Her hands are still shaking and she was feeling more nervous than even now she had finally names her daughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Colette walks into the room with Dom and smiles "Colette?" Zosia says as she draws her attention away from Madeleine.

"Dom thought you could do with a friendly face" Colette smiles and Zosia shoots Dom a nasty look.

"She's beautiful" Colette says as she walks over to Zosia who still has Madeleine on her lap.

"May I?" Colette questions Zosia asking her for permission to hold Madeleine, Zosia nods and Colette lifts Madeleine off her lap.

"So does she have a name?" Colette says as she sits herself down next to Zosia and Dom leaves the room.

Zosia looks down at her lap and nods a single tear falls from her cheek "Her name is Madeleine" Zosia mutters before sniffling and wiping the years away.

"Zosh what's up she's fine isn't she?" Colette says as she slowly rocks Madeleine who is getting a little agitated.

Zosia looks over at Colette and gives her a half hearted smile "I can't do this" Zosia replies as she breaks down.

Colette looks at her in complete shock "Why can't you do this? you're a natural when I walked in you looked a natural Zosh what is it?" Colette questions as she strokes her hand over Madeleine's fine brown hair.

"I can't she doesn't like me when I hold her she seems uncomfortable and in distress also she won't latch, I'm an awful mother already I can't do this" Zosia cries and Colette gets up out of her chair and walks over to Zosia with Madeleine in her arms.

Colette pulls Zosia into a hug with her free hand and looks at Zosia "I can help you if you want?" Colette questions with a friendly smile on her face.

"Help me with what?" Zosia says in confusion.

Colette smiles at her and rolls her eyes "Help you feed her" Colette replies and a sort of red glow appears on Zosia's face.

"Seriously Colette its harder than you think, you've never had children so you don't know what it's like" Zosia points out and Colette laughs at her.

"All nurses know how to help mother who are having problems feeding their children the natural way" Colette explains making Zosia blush, "Right then it looks like this little lady is getting hungry, roll your top up" Colette says without out breaking into a fit of laughter.

Zosia looks at her completely stunned "No way!" Zosia says as she looks at Colette and pins her top down,.

"Zosh I've seen it all before it's not as if Madeleine's father is going to walk in is it?" Colette says but stops herself as she knows she stepping on thin ice.

Zosia finally gives into Colette and rolls her top up, Colette lies Madeleine down in Zosia's arms and tells her how to get Madeleine to latch, "She did it, flipping heck that's painful" Zosia winces as she now starts to feel Madeleine feeding.

* * *

A few minutes later Colette decides to question Zosia "So any idea who the father might be?" Colette quizzes as she and Zosia are the only ones how know about Zosia's one night stands with three different people.

"I have to say It can't be Zach White because he is Asian and well Madeleine doesn't look Asian to me so it's either between Arthur and Oliver" Zosia admits as she realises why Guy hates her so much and why people kept whispering 'slapper' behind her back.

* * *

Zosia looks at Madeleine who is now fast asleep on her arms "She looks so peaceful when she's in your arms Zosh, defiantly a Mummy's girl already" Colette says and cringes as she realises what she has said. They both fall into an awkward silence and neither Colette or Zosia know what to say until Oliver walks in.

"Ollie?" Zosia says sounding stunned, "What are you doing here?" she adds as she shifts herself up the bed being careful not to wake Madeleine.

Oliver smiles at Zosia and moves over next to her "I was told you had the baby" Oliver begins and Colette leaves the room to give them some privacy.

"But I don't understand why did you come and see me?" Zosia questions watching Oliver who is looking at Madeleine in her arms.

He gives her a smile and begins to talk to her again "I've been doing some thinking and well a few months ago you said you didn't know why the father was and well ... I think it could be me" Oliver explains to her.

Zosia looks at him awkwardly and then smiles a little "Okay so you think you could be the dad yeah? well I think it could be either you or Arthur" Zosia bites her lip waiting for Oliver's reaction. "Ollie?" Zosia questions as she looks at Oliver who is looking down at Madeleine in her arms.

"Can I hold him?" Oliver questions and Zosia smiles and nods.

"Yes you can if you insist you're the father and by the way it's a girl not a boy" Zosia smiles and rolls her eyes at him. Oliver sits himself down in the chair next to Zosia and Zosia gets up and places Madeleine down in his arms.

Oliver smiles at Madeleine "What's her name if she has one?" Oliver questions Zosia who is lying on her side on the bed watching Oliver with Madeleine.

"Madeleine" Zosia replies to Oliver and Oliver's face lights up.

"What a perfect name, hello Madeleine or I might just have to call you Maddy" Oliver says as he waits for a reaction off Zosia which is just the death glare "What?" Oliver smiles.

Zosia rolls her eyes and looks at Oliver "I don't want to shorten her name to Maddy, Madeleine sounds professional" Zosia explains.

"Well I like it, me and you are going to have to wind your Mummy up and call you Maddy. Anyway everyone calls me Ollie and my sister was called Penny but her real name was Persephone" Oliver replies to Zosia who just looks at him.

Zosia looks at Oliver and smiles she is still a little unsure about the whole thing about her now being a mother she wasn't sure about Oliver either.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

Zosia lay there for two hours watching Oliver sit and talk to Madeleine, she is still unsure about Oliver being the biological father of Madeleine and wonders if she should get him and Arthur to both do a paternity test because she didn't want Madeleine to grow up wondering who her father actually is. Even though she didn't want Madeleine in the first place she knew she had no choice but to look after Madeleine.

"Ollie I need to tell you something before I tell you what I need you to do" Zosia says as she sits up. Oliver looks up from Madeleine and looks at Zosia "I...I'm... bipolar" Zosia stutters as she breaks into a whisper. She expected Oliver to run to the hill but he didn't he just sat there and stared at her "Well aren't you going to say anything?" Zosia questions as she swings her legs out of the bed.

Oliver looks at Zosia and changes his arm which he is holding Madeleine in "What do you want me to say congratulations you have bipolar?" Oliver questions "Or is it because you have bipolar you don't think you'll be able to look after Madeleine properly?" Oliver adds and Zosia bites her lip.

Zosia looks away from Oliver and continues to bite her lip "Ollie I need you to do a paternity test for me" Zosia says still looking away from Oliver.

"Why well we did... you know do it... around about nine months ago" Oliver stutters as she stands up and places Madeleine back in the hospital cot.

She rolls her eyes and keeps her back to them both, Zosia lets out a weep and Oliver comes to her side "What's up?" Oliver questions noticing how fragile the young doctor could be.

"I can't do this" She mutters and Oliver puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close.

"Do what?" He questions as he looks down at the young doctor and awkwardly kisses her on the head.

"Do this, be a mother, I'm not ready I have my whole career to think about I can't do this" Zosia cries even more before Oliver agrees to the paternity test.

He sits and watches the young doctor who is still clinging to his top, he doesn't react to this but lets her carry on crying into his arms, it was the first time in a long while Oliver felt as if he had to get his priorities right.

Oliver stands up after a while and walks over to Madeleine who is now asleep and smiles "Ollie?" Zosia questions as he heads towards the door.

"Yes?" he questions turning around to look at Zosia.

"Please don't leave me" she sniffles and Oliver thinks to himself for a while was he really making the ice queen melt? he never really saw the other side of Zosia until now and now he is starting to realise how venerable Zosia really is.

He gives her a smile and replies "I won't be long" she watches him leave the room and then looks over at her sleeping new born.

Zosia stands up once again and peers into the cot, "I'm not good enough for you Madeleine I don't know if I can cope, I'm only 27 I'm not mother material" Zosia says as she tries to look brave as the midwife comes in and checks on them both.

Some of the thoughts that were now going around in her head where distraught and messed up the thought of over dosing came to mind quiet a lot and how one fatal overdose and the lights forever, or hanging but she thought it was a bit too much, running off and leaving Madeleine was another idea but she would be hated on for possibly the rest of her life.

"So have you a name for this little one?" the nurse speaks up and makes Zosia jump who instantly locks her phone and holds it close to her chest

She gives the nurse a smile and replies "Madeleine." The nurse nods and writes Madeleine on the little tag that is around Madeleine's ankle before leaving the room once again, leaving Zosia feeling lost and lonely.

Half an hour later Guy arrives to see his new granddaughter but he noticed something wasn't right with Zosia apart from her being very nervous when holding Madeleine she seemed as if she wasn't bonding with her enough.

Guy decided to research some of the ways in which Zosia could bond with Madeleine and he finally spoke up to Zosia and says "Have you tried skin to skin contact with her?" she shakes her head and lifts Madeleine out of the cot and onto her chest and rubs her thumb over Madeleine's head and smiles at Guy.

"Dad I'm scared" Zosia mutters and Guy gets up and walks over to her.

"You sound just like your mother you know that Zoshie, she was the same when you were born she had no idea how to hold you what to say to you or even how to change you. Don't worry darling you'll pick it up as you go" Guy replies placing a single kiss on his daughters head and moves back into the chair next to Zosia.

"Dad Arthur and Ollie are doing a paternity test now and I think I will know the result soon" Zosia says to Guy and his face lights up as he finally realises Zosia wants the father involved after all.

A few hours later Oliver and Arthur arrive with the results both Doctors looks at Zosia and smiles "So?" Zosia begins and Arthur and Oliver walk over to the side of Zosia and smile as they both have read the results alright. "So is anyone going to tell me or what?" Zosia says as she starts to get a little worried thinking that maybe Madeleine's father isn't either Arthur or Oliver.

Oliver hands her the evelope as soon as she puts Madeleine down and she takes a deep breath in and opens it and pulls the letter with the results on and begins to read it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

"So who is it?" Guy questions as he notices the far on his daughters face. "Zosh? earth to Zoshie?" Guy says as she waves his hand in front of Zosia's face.

Zosia stutters and tries to get her words out she was in shock even though she knew it would be him. "I...erm...it..." Zosia chocks trying to get her words out. "Its him..." Zosia coughs as she tries her best to make her words make sense.

"Who's him?" Guy questions and both Arthur and Oliver look at her.

"Its... Ollie's" Zosia coughs and Guy gives a sigh of relief.

* * *

1 week later:

"How's my favourite little girl?" Oliver questions as he comes through the front door and places his things before Zosia hands Madeleine over to Oliver, she is starting to cope with motherhood now especially since Oliver brought her to her sense about Madeleine.

Oliver smiles down at Madeleine she has done a fair bit of growing since she was born "How was she at the doctors?" Oliver questions Zosia as he cuddles Madeleine a bit more.

"She's fine they can't see that me being on lithium has done little Madeleine any harm" Zosia smiles at Oliver, they still aren't one hundred percent about this relationship if it was official or not, but they want to give it a go so Madeleine can grow up with both parents in her life, "Also got the birth certificate today she is officially Madeleine Penny Valentine" Zosia smiles at Oliver.

They had decided to give Madeleine Oliver's deceased sisters name as a middle name as Penny loved children and would of been over the moon if she had ever been around to of met Madeleine, "Everyone on Darwin were asking about you today and they want you to make an appearance up there with Madeleine when you're ready" Oliver explains while he kisses Madeleine on the head.

Zosia sighs "Well I better make an appearance before they think I've ever done a runner or you've brutally murdered me and buried me under the patio" Zosia replies and Oliver raises an eyebrow.

"You've been watching too much CSI and Silent Witness haven't you?" Oliver questions as he walks over to the baby sensory mat and places Madeleine gently down on the mat, he stands back up and turns to look at Zosia despite how tried she looks from being up with Madeleine most of the time for over a week she looks really pretty and quiet stunning.

"Well I have nothing better to do" Zosia laughs as Oliver steps forward and kisses her on the cheek and then makes a go of it and kisses her on her lips amazingly Zosia reacts back and wraps her arms around his neck and stands on her tip toes so she is in line with Oliver.

They pull away as soon as Madeleine starts to whimper "Someone doesn't like there Mummy and Daddy kissing" Oliver laughs as Zosia goes over to Madeleine and picks her up.

"What's up sweetie?" she questions as she tries to calm Madeleine down who is starting to cry even louder, she looks up at the clock and realises it is time for Madeleine to be fed so she grabs a bib and places it around Madeleine's neck also Oliver hands her a muslin towel just in case Madeleine is sick at all after.

Now it was the painful bit for Zosia she had to get Madeleine to latch, it was one of the worst things she had to do it was so painful for Zosia she couldn't bare it at first but slowly she's getting used of it, "Your doing Maddy a favour by breast feeding Zosh" Oliver says as he walks through to the kitchen and makes himself a cold drink.

Zosia rolls her eyes she didn't like Madeleine begin called Maddy but its only Oliver who calls her that and Zosia had to admit she did called her Maddy sometimes.

"Oh Colette asked how you were today, I said you were fine and that Maddy is fine too, she said she might pop round later if she has time too" Oliver says as he appears from the kitchen again with a glass of water.

"Honestly Ollie, I'm not up to visitors I'm so tired I haven't slept in over a day, I have a pile of washing to get through not forgetting I have to remember to take my tablets" Zosia admits and Oliver simply nods in agreement as he totally understands what Zosia is going through.

Oliver thinks to himself for a moment and then speaks up "How about once you've finished feeding Madeleine I can look after her for a few hours while you do some washing and get some rest?" Oliver questions and Zosia nods and kisses his on the cheek.

* * *

Once she has finished feeding and burping Madeleine, Zosia puts a few things in the washing machine and heads upstairs for a few hours sleep.

Oliver looks at Madeleine and smiles "right then Maddy fancy causing some trouble" he laughs quietly as he sits on the floor with Madeleine between his legs, he hangs a teddy over Madeleine and she tries to kick up at the teddy which Oliver finds incredibly cute for a week old baby "You're a smart girl like your Daddy aren't you, you've got my brains and your Mummy's good looks" Oliver laughs and he leans over and kisses Madeleine lightly on the head.


End file.
